Saturday, July 28, 2012

"Application To Be a WV Resident"

It has been awhile since I have read the argument, fighting and debating of the WV Transplant which used to be a daily argument/debate/fight in the local paper's section of Journal Junction. This is an old one, but still a goodie.  I think the first time I saw this I was in high school and copies were passed around. It's so old I have no clue who even wrote it, but it is definitely fitting for the Hillbilly/Redneck days of summer! Since July is quickly winding down here is the
Application to be A WV Hillbilly/Redneck

Name: ________________ (last) (first) (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right CB Handle: _____________________ 
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed (_)Coal Miner 
Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet 
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ 
Mother's Name: _______________________ 
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) 
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks ___ Number of refrigerators on front porch___ 
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed 
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194__ 
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: _________ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest (_)Gun World ___ 
Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ 
Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ 
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO 
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Holidays (_)Not Applicable 
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man 
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know (_)can't get there from here 
BUMPER STICKERS: ___ Eat more Possum ___ My other car is a piece of junk too ___ Honk if you love Jesus ___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin' ___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco Favorite Recreation: Check all that apply: ___ Square Dancin' ___ Possum Huntin' ___ Skinny Dippin' ___ Craw Daddin' ___ Gospel Singin' ___ 4-Wheelin' ___ Drankin' ___ Spittin' Backy ___ Bill Chip Trowin' ___ Honky Tonkin' ___ Noodlin' # of Dogs: ___ Type: ___ Blue Tick ___ Beagle ___ Black & Tan ___ Bird Dawg Cap Emblem: ___ John Deere ___ McCulloch Chain Saws ___ Budweiser ___ Vo-Tech ___ Skoal ___ Coors ___ NAPA ___ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear

I take it when you are done with the application, you just mail it to Gov. Earl Ray @ Charleston, WV. (Okay... just kidding!)


  1. That is hilarious! Especially the relationship to spouse. And afraid we have a few qualifiers here in the area of cars in front yard. And back. And side yard next to the Direct TV dish.

  2. @Alex- That is funny. Since moving from Shangri La we have things like the Neighborhood Beautification Committee so we have to drive outta the development to see the trucks/cars on cinder blocks aka neighborhood project. :) You could just drop an application by to them just kidding. :)

  3. Oh my, this is hilarious! I love the whole "Billy" series of names. And to think, I struggled for months trying to find my kids their names, and here was an entire series I hadn't considered!

  4. @Sandra- My hubby wouldn't allow any names like that. As a matter of fact he did name 3 out of 4 because of names I came up with that he said scared him. :) The one I got to name was the third. He was overdue and I had hoped would come on St Patty's day so I had a name Patrick Sean. Oh no he came a few days b4 I needed a name. So I named him
    Kyle (Kyle Sampson Guiding Light)
    Bradley (Brad Montgomery Young n Restless) Hubby didn't know I had named him Kyle until he signed the birth certificate :)

  5. Ha ha! I've seen similar applications for areas of Florida too. The scary thing is that these questions are appropriate for some people :0

  6. @Heather- LOL I know on some of the people. :) Especially around these parts :)

  7. I love this! Unfortunately a lot of it is true. LOL

  8. Very good!!! I'm smilin and it's not just cuz I'm not wearin underwear!

  9. "UFO...Elvis...Elvis IN a UFO..." LOL This is hysterical! I'm tempted to send it to my aunt who hails from WV. Growing up, we'd always tell a few Hillbilly jokes at Thanksgiving after we said grace. Mostly we were praying she'd remembered to take the giblets out. One year she didn't.

  10. Omg hysterical! Sounds like my life in Arkansas with the inbred Jed cuz fuckers! :D

  11. loved this posts and this application was something mama warned me about so I only married a half breed to allow for some compromise LOL meaning only 2 cars not running in the yard not 6 whew

  12. Ha ha! This is brilliant - especially as I smiled at the end and then had to check incase... no it's ok, underwear is in place.

  13. I am going to print this out and give it to my friend who is a transplant from Oklahoma...this is funny!

  14. Love it and it is so close to a conversation my friend and I had on the porch the other night, I intend to blog about it today or tomorrow.


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