Saturday, July 28, 2012

"Application To Be a WV Resident"

It has been awhile since I have read the argument, fighting and debating of the WV Transplant which used to be a daily argument/debate/fight in the local paper's section of Journal Junction. This is an old one, but still a goodie.  I think the first time I saw this I was in high school and copies were passed around. It's so old I have no clue who even wrote it, but it is definitely fitting for the Hillbilly/Redneck days of summer! Since July is quickly winding down here is the
Application to be A WV Hillbilly/Redneck


Name: ________________ (last) (first) (_) Billy-Bob (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box)
Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right CB Handle: _____________________ 
Occupation: (_)Farmer (_)Mechanic (_)Hair Dresser (_)Un-employed (_)Coal Miner 
Spouse's Name: __________________________ Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet 
Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ 
Mother's Name: _______________________ 
Father's Name: _______________________ (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) 
Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks ___ Number of refrigerators on front porch___ 
Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ shed 
Model and year of your pickup: _____________ 194__ 
Number of empty beer cans on floorboard or in bed of pickup: _________ Newspapers/magazines you subscribe to: (_)The National Enquirer (_)The Globe (_)TV Guide (_)Soap Opera Digest (_)Gun World ___ 
Number of times you've seen a UFO ___ 
Number of times you've seen Elvis ___ 
Number of times you've seen Elvis in a UFO 
How often do you bathe: (_)Weekly (_)Monthly (_)Holidays (_)Not Applicable 
Brand of chewing tobacco you prefer: (_)Red-Man 
How far is your home from a paved road? (_)1 mile (_)2 miles (_)don't know (_)can't get there from here 
BUMPER STICKERS: ___ Eat more Possum ___ My other car is a piece of junk too ___ Honk if you love Jesus ___ If you ain't a cowboy, you ain't nothin' ___ Red-man Chewing Tobacco Favorite Recreation: Check all that apply: ___ Square Dancin' ___ Possum Huntin' ___ Skinny Dippin' ___ Craw Daddin' ___ Gospel Singin' ___ 4-Wheelin' ___ Drankin' ___ Spittin' Backy ___ Bill Chip Trowin' ___ Honky Tonkin' ___ Noodlin' # of Dogs: ___ Type: ___ Blue Tick ___ Beagle ___ Black & Tan ___ Bird Dawg Cap Emblem: ___ John Deere ___ McCulloch Chain Saws ___ Budweiser ___ Vo-Tech ___ Skoal ___ Coors ___ NAPA ___ Smile if you're Not Wearing Underwear

I take it when you are done with the application, you just mail it to Gov. Earl Ray @ Charleston, WV. (Okay... just kidding!)

16 comments:

  1. That is hilarious! Especially the relationship to spouse. And afraid we have a few qualifiers here in the area of cars in front yard. And back. And side yard next to the Direct TV dish.

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  2. @Alex- That is funny. Since moving from Shangri La we have things like the Neighborhood Beautification Committee so we have to drive outta the development to see the trucks/cars on cinder blocks aka neighborhood project. :) You could just drop an application by to them just kidding. :)

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  3. Oh my, this is hilarious! I love the whole "Billy" series of names. And to think, I struggled for months trying to find my kids their names, and here was an entire series I hadn't considered!

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  4. @Sandra- My hubby wouldn't allow any names like that. As a matter of fact he did name 3 out of 4 because of names I came up with that he said scared him. :) The one I got to name was the third. He was overdue and I had hoped would come on St Patty's day so I had a name Patrick Sean. Oh no he came a few days b4 I needed a name. So I named him
    Kyle (Kyle Sampson Guiding Light)
    Bradley (Brad Montgomery Young n Restless) Hubby didn't know I had named him Kyle until he signed the birth certificate :)

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  5. Ha ha! I've seen similar applications for areas of Florida too. The scary thing is that these questions are appropriate for some people :0

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  6. @Heather- LOL I know on some of the people. :) Especially around these parts :)

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  7. I love this! Unfortunately a lot of it is true. LOL

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  8. Very good!!! I'm smilin and it's not just cuz I'm not wearin underwear!

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  9. "UFO...Elvis...Elvis IN a UFO..." LOL This is hysterical! I'm tempted to send it to my aunt who hails from WV. Growing up, we'd always tell a few Hillbilly jokes at Thanksgiving after we said grace. Mostly we were praying she'd remembered to take the giblets out. One year she didn't.

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  10. Omg hysterical! Sounds like my life in Arkansas with the inbred Jed cuz fuckers! :D

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  11. loved this posts and this application was something mama warned me about so I only married a half breed to allow for some compromise LOL meaning only 2 cars not running in the yard not 6 whew

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  12. Ha ha! This is brilliant - especially as I smiled at the end and then had to check incase... no it's ok, underwear is in place.
    ;-)

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  13. I am going to print this out and give it to my friend who is a transplant from Oklahoma...this is funny!

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  14. Love it and it is so close to a conversation my friend and I had on the porch the other night, I intend to blog about it today or tomorrow.

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