Wednesday, August 6, 2014

12 Signs You Are Attend'n A Hillbilly Church

I saw this in a church bulletin and just had to share it. 
  1. After hearing the story about the Fishes and the Loaves and Jesus feeding 5,000 men, women and children the men all want to know what kind'a fish were they and what bait were they use'n?
  2. The board members refuse to fund the money for a chandelier because no one attend'n the church even knows how to play one of those.
  3. When calling on the church at offer'n time the pastor says, "I'd like to have Bubba take up the collection today" and five men and two women stand up.
  4. The collection plate are the hubcaps off of a '59 Chevy.
  5. Opening week of deer season is an official holiday includ'n attend'n church that week
  6. When an old feller of the church passes on and his last request is to be buried in his 4X4 because, "she aint'a seen a hole she can't get out of."
  7. There are only seven last names among the entire congregation 
  8. Baptism is referred to as "branding" and the baptismal is a galvanized warsh tub
  9. There is a bake sale and yard sale to raise money for a new septic tank
  10. High notes on the organ will send the dogs a bark'n ery time
  11. The communion wine is no doubt made in Earl Ray's old wringer warsher. (Added by me)
  12. The new choir robes were donated by Jimmy Joe's BBQ and embroidered with his logo.
I don't know who wrote this, but it's hilarious!

7 comments:

  1. Two women named Bubba stand up - funny!

    ReplyDelete
  2. And at least two hymns have a section of Dixie in the instrumental break...

    ReplyDelete
  3. The seven last names one is actually not far from the truth LOL

    ReplyDelete

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