Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Hillbilly Funeral Etiquette

I love hearing my parents talk about their childhood and growing up here and what it was like back then. I guess I'm at that age where I am all sentimental like that. They often talk about how when they were younger when someone died it was quite common that the casket was brought to the home where it remained until the funeral. Boy do they have some tales to tell! Actually
you can still request that even today. Most people don't know that. Others would never in a million years think of doing it. There are still people who set up with the dead.

It's also still common here that when a loved one dies that several folks hang around the cemetery until the last shovel of dirt is thrown and the tent is taken down. They do that to make sure that nothing is removed from the body like jewelry. After the case of the local grave robbers last year, I really don't think that the grave diggers are the only ones people need to be afraid is robbing the dead persons of valuable jewelry.

Due to an incident at the funeral of an elderly church member, I decided to jot down some funeral etiquette. I hope you enjoy...

Hillbilly Funeral Etiquette
  • Even if you know you are in the will try to refrain from bringing a U-haul to the funeral.
  • It is considered not good etiquette to take a beer cooler to a funeral.
  • It is considered in poor taste to offer an open bar at the funeral home.
  • It is not good etiquette to pass a collection plate or hat around at a wake.
  • When gossiping at the funeral home please speak loudly and clearly. Not everyone can hear ya.
  • Even though a funeral could possibly occur during the opening week of deer season it is considered in poor taste to grumble about it.
  • This also means that during the funeral procession refrain from stopping your vehicle and grabbing a gun if you should spot a deer.
  • If you are going to feign fainting during the viewing hours, please make sure that those around you are able to catch you when you fall.
  • The little capsules by the casket are called smelling salts. They are not sedatives. They are to be broken should someone faint.  Please don't confuse them and put them in your drink. You should also refrain from swallowing them.
  • Shaking cans of beer and pulling the tops over the casket is not what is meant by, casket spray.
  • Remember the leading car in a funeral procession is a police car so please try not to shout Gentlemen, Start Your Engines.
  • It's also a good idea not to lay rubber during the funeral procession
  • It is not really a good idea to ask the Funeral Director to mount a deer head above the casket. 
  • The stands are for flowers and should not contain anything brought in from the taxidermist
I know there is no doubt some more to add.

4 comments:

  1. Good tips all, though I've been to several Irish Wakes where bullet #3 were ignored.

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  2. I knew deer season would work its way into that list.
    Some people might appreciate an open bar though.

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  3. JoeH For some an open bar, for folks I know the open bar can be a very bad idea. :)

    Alex Oh yes on the hunting season. :) Open bars are very tricky. For some it could cause an all out battle royal while others suffer from too much vino veritas! :)

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  4. See that stuff would spice up the funerals I have been to. I want a stuffed animal in my funeral. I think I might be a closet redneck :D

    ReplyDelete

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