Thursday, September 18, 2014

Redneck Hunting Date Tips

Squirrel season started 'round these parts last Saturday which means two things. The PETA people will be out screaming eat mir broccolli and the transplants will be tying up the 9-1-1 system. Most transplants don't understand hunting season in these parts I reckon which is why they always call 9-1-1 and report hunters wearing camo and carrying shotguns and rifles during hunting season
as "suspicious activity." I've never right understood that. 

I'm sure ya'll heard the Redneck Dating Tips before. Ya know the ones like...

DATING (outside the family)
  1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
  2. Be aggressive. Let her know you're interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the bathroom wall two years ago."
  3. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM; Others might say "Monday." If'n the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

I'd like to add these to the list. If'n it isn't Halloween never dress up like wild game especially if you're asked to go on a hunt'in date.
Never wear a target on any of your gear even if it matches your purse and shoes.
Never wear an antler hat even though it matches your outfit.
Never ever show off and try'in chase a bullet.
Stay away from in front of the shotgun or rifle.
Never say, 'Hey ya'll, watch this' (added by suggestion from reader Alex Cavanaugh)
These tips are especially fir those who met yir date at a shooting range, or on any redneck dat'in site and especially fir blind dates that request "wear camo and bring ur shotgun." 

I got the idear to add these after reading 'bout the feller who accidentally shot his date while they were out on a hunt'in date ya see fir a coupl'a reasons. I just can't help but wonder

What the heck did she look like that she was confused as wild game? AND/OR Why was she dressed up like wild game in the first place?

If''n yir go'in on a hunt'in date fir real remember these tips... There's noth'in wrong with a lady hunter. but Common Sense is a real gift. Make sure 40% of your body is covered in safety gear. AND Ladies I can't stress this un enough Never wear any type of scent of any kind used to bait wild game. Ur supposed to be attract'in the guy not the animals.


Be Safe Out There!!!! 
Resources for this post:
Redneck Dating Tips Written by Unknown
Story: ABC News
Pic: found @ Google Images ©Gossip_Grl  All Rights Reserved

6 comments:

  1. And never utter the phrase, 'Hey ya'll, watch this...'

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  2. Alex Oh for sure! I'm gonna have to add this ya know! :)

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  3. My daughters husband tried to teach her to skeet shoot...she damn near killed him after the gun kick spun her around. A Jersey Girl can not be converted to a redneck.

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  4. God, you know how long it's been since I've had squirrel?

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  5. My roommate kept squirrel in the freezer about 25 years ago. :-\

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  6. We live in a rural area of PA, and I never understood why it was supposed to be fun to go "spotting" deer. You ride around with a giant super-powered flashlight and see if there are deer out there. Uh, if it's the season when you're not allowed to shoot and eat them, why waste your time? Some of the least exciting dates I ever went on back then.

    I love the helpful tips! I think they're extra funny because they really are close to the truth. People laugh, and you think, "Uh, yeah. I know more than an handful of people just like that."

    ReplyDelete

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