Monday, November 17, 2014

The Last Time

My family is going through a rough spot right now. I've spoken out in the past about domestic violence. More so on domestic violence against men. This has affected my family tremendously after finding out an adult son is in a volatile relationship. Guys aren't quick to talk about it like women do or even to quick to call the cops- like women. Doesn't mean it doesn't happen. The statistics would
probably shock you. Guys often miss the signs because females are quick to throw in PMS or having a bad day or just being hormonal. Guys often think they are in control until they aren't any longer.

I've talked about it in the past. It is hard to get others attention to the problem because it goes under reported. When stuff like this happens to an adult child, the police aren't quick to talk to you- the parent. All the parent can do is set back, take lots of notes and hope and pray that the next time you see your child won't be the last. Especially things like the continued harassment, the threats of a hit on your child's life, the stalker like tendencies and now the safe house compromised. I guarantee if the genders were switched the man would be sitting his ass in jail! Trust me I'm really wondering about that piece of paper called the Family Protection Order.

Front page of my local paper this weekend was a story on domestic violence (against women). To me that is a gender bias. I have tried to talk to a local journalist about a story specifically domestic violence against men in this community because the guys don't really know what to do when they're in a situation.

  • We have the domestic violence shelter... for women and children. Nothing for men.
  • Lots of info and stories in the paper about domestic violence against women. Nothing written for what a man is supposed to do in that situation.

The reporter has yet to contact me.

A Facebook friend shared this with me. The time will come when your children grow up and go out into society on their own and face the world all on their own. My biggest fear right now is that each time I see my son I don't know if it will be for the last time.

The Last Time

The worry I had when my children were little is not even comparable to the worry I have now... that they are all grown up. I know some of you were wondering and shaking your heads a lil about the post on kindness and nice. I'm nice until I'm forced to not be so nice. Hurt one of my family and my bad side will trump kindness and nice every time. 

I know I normally post humorous content and the majority of the crowd will probably be bored reading this. Hoping that this post will shed a little light on domestic violence against men. I promise I'll be back to humorous stories with another another, Oh No They Di'int!!!

Resources for this post:
Pic and poem shared by Facebook friend

9 comments:

  1. I'm sorry that's a concern for your son. I'm sure there are a lot of men who are beaten or threatened with no hope of recourse.

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  2. Alex Thank you. :/ And Yeah I agree. The police here are finally recognizing that domestic violence against men is a real and growing problem around here.

    So, It took getting hit in the back with a club which caused him to fall down the basement steps to put an end to the madness though!!! :(

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  3. Men have a hard time with this not just from not wanting to appear weak but because no one believes them. All a woman has to do is say, "Well, he hit me first," or, even, "I thought he was about to hit me," and, suddenly, the man is in jail, anyway, even if he didn't do anything.

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  4. DV for males is starting to get the attention it deserves, though it is slow in coming, and the resources are even further behind. I hope your son is able to recover from this, and move on to a healthier relationship.

    It is people like you that are willing to speak up and keep the issues in the public awareness that are the best voice. I am glad you had the courage to post this, and glad that your son is also reporting his trauma. Nothing changes if people don't put faces to the tragedies.

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  5. I'm praying for your family. Just another one of those things "polite society" likes to pretend never happens. Hope your son is safe.

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  6. My husband's last wife used to slap and claw him. She would scratch up his car with her keys. She would throw his cell phones either at the wall or on their tile floor. She would public ally humiliate him calling him a Jew bagel.

    I remember telling him one time to pack his stuff and leave. Get a restraining order. But he just wouldn't so one night he ended up in jail for domestic battery. There wasn't a scratch on her. He, on the other hand, was full of scratches. She had arcrylic nails at the time.

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  7. Andrew You are so right! For us, It's really hard understanding all of this when we weren't raised around domestic violence nor was it an issue in our home. :(

    Dolorah I agree and Plenty of letters to my legislators who even took the time to write me back about it and who too are concerned about this trend.

    CW Thank you. It will be a month since this happened and I still make him call me three times a day. :(

    Shelly I am so sorry to hear about all of that with your hubby. :( My son's car just got out of the shop :/

    I told my son that he needs to start a support group in this area for other men in the same situation.

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  8. I'm sorry to hear your son is suffering this, and in turn, you. You're right about the bias towards violence against women - there still seems to be a stigma, or a belief that a woman can't be a serious threat. But they can - and probably all the while knowing they will get away with it. Keep chipping away - if you don't get a response from the reporter, what about writing to the letters page? Or contact your local politician?

    I hope your son finds himself in a better position soon.

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  9. It's sad that men feel they have no recourse and feel ashamed sometimes to report it. I hope that with greater awareness, this changes soon.

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