Friday, December 5, 2014

Christmas At Shangri-La

I'm not the greatest poetry writer, but last year at Christmas I wrote a little poem after attending a Christmas party. I made some notes on a napkin and later BAM this little ditty. I posted it last year but it didn't get a lot of reads so I am reposting it again. I just know my old English teachers would so be proud to read this!


Christmas At Shangri-La Park
It was the night before Christmas, at ole Shangri-La Park
Not a creature a stirin, but yer ain't a catch'in me out in the dark.
Our dirty ole socks hung 'round the walls with care,
Cuz whoerer'n a know what time Santy be there.

The kid's all a sleep'n and snor'in in bed
A dream'n 'bout who knows what's in those danged kids head
I'm in my curlers just 'bout done this whole box of wine.
Pa's in his cammo jammies, an he's a look'n a might fine.
When all of a sudden we heard somethin' a shatter
He grabbed up his gun an ran to see what was the matter
I yelled out the winder, "what the sam hill is all that racket?"
He went a runnin' by wear'n just his jammies and camouflage jacket

Snow's a comin down hard and cover'n a couple junked cars
My hunny's a runnin 'round like he's bein chased by some bars.
When across the yard, he'saw outta breath, I saw them appear
A runn'n like they stole it, he's a chas'in some deers.
After a twelve pack I'm surprised he can run that quick
I yell out the winder, "Be curful that ice n snow is a might slick"
Light's come on and trailer doors open; the neighbors they came
And he's a hoot'n and a holler'n and callin'em by name...

Junior and Bubba, Clyde and Billy Ray
Jimmy Joe, Mary Sue, Peachy and Ricky Ray.
Ery un's over with enough Pabst to go 'round
If they run out, they'll be 7- Eleven and beer run bound.
We ladies, are passin 'round the Apple Pie Shine
And plenty of Traileur Trashe' Sauvignon, our best backyard wine

Ery un's sing'in and danc'in and hav'in a good time.
I'm mumbl'in n stumbl'in 'round from drink'in the shine.
'Bout that time we heard a BANG noise loud and clear
The guys jump up, grab for their lead and a cold beer.
Sounds like bells, kick'n up dust on the road and BOOM a back far.
Lo and behold it's Smitty's Ice Cream truck and he's blown out a tar.
Smitty's an old timey that brings Trailer Park Christmas Cheer
With gifts from the Island of Misfit Toys, n to the rest he gives beer.

His Santy suit stained with vomit an juice from his chawl
He's so drunk he stumbles backwards and falls over a wall.
The toys he's a carry'n fall evry'un where outta his sack
When he bends over to get'em, he's show'in his butt crack.
His eyes dilated and glazed over, a wad of chawl in his cheek
The front of his pants soaked from pee, and holes in both knees.
He's a stagger'in away from the puddle of yellow snow
He's a spitt'in an a stutter'un a drunken Ho Ho Ho.

Smitty smiles and grins, his teef are a miss'in
He grabs us girls and wants some hug'in an a kiss'in.
He picks up a beer and chugs it right down
Drops his sack of toys on the floor and the roaches run 'round.
The guys now a play'n the beer burp and fart game
To see which'un can fart the biggest flame.
A table set up for games of beer pong
The 8-track's a play'n a slow country song.

The CB radio chatter'in an the times a git'n late
A look at the clock it's morn'in and damn near eight.
"Git up you rednecks!" I'm hung over from Christmas cheer
You don't have ta leave but ya gotta git the hell up outta here
Smitty grabbed a beer for the road and stumbled to the door
Try'n not to fall over whoever'uns passed out on the floor.
But we heard him say ‘ere he drove out of sight,
"Murry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!"
This poem was written by ©Gossip_Grl  
pictures found @ google images and
Redneck Situations
Of course to the redneck it's Redneck sichiations. Situations is Jersey Shore!!!

5 comments:

  1. Very funny! Nothing like a drunk Santa.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think I met Smitty once, at the Creighton Street Bar and Grill... at least your description SMELLS like him...

    ReplyDelete
  3. fabulous! Reminds me of a xmas song I just heard on the radio, by Jeff Foxworthy. Redneck 12 days of christmas. Good song :)

    ReplyDelete

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